The Mid-Life Pivot, Old Lady Costumes, and Dancing All Night

And why my grandmother, and my mother, were right.

What a topic today, ladies! Being in the middle years myself, I think more and more about my future. I’ve had to pivot several times in my life - so navigating change feels expected to me - but it doesn’t make it any easier. Plus, navigating change in mid-life is a VIBE. It always felt so easy to snap my fingers and change something when I was younger.

Reminds me of that Ariana Grande song, “I see it, I like it, I want it, I got it”.

It felt a lot like that for most of my life. If I saw something, and I wanted it, my ambition would drive me into the ground until I got it. My inner Aries would poke out her wee little horns and just GO. If I didn’t like a boyfriend - bye. If I didn’t want a job - resign. If I didn’t like my boring brown hair color - redhead by 6pm. There was no strategic planning or friends to ask - if it wasn’t working for me, I would flip it and run. A new apartment, a new approach, a new revenue stream, a new client.

Pivoting in mid-life is very different. Pivoting as a married woman. Pivoting as a mother. Pivoting in a foreign culture.

There is nothing about this that feels like that Ariana Grande song now.

Nothing phased me THEN but now, everything PHASES ME NOW. Ordering a cocktail has become a 15 minute decision because I can only drink ONE without feeling dizzy, so it has to be the right choice.

Photo by Caroline Hernandez on Unsplash

Pivoting during these years of my timeline often requires spreadsheets, a therapist, intense reflection, a pin-board, a thousand adjustments, asking my friends if I’m crazy or not, and a willingness to face the truth: IT IS AGE that does this.

I SAID IT.

And as you age, your goals and desires shift, and it’s natural to feel:

1. Crazy

2. Done

3. Past your “Use By” date and

4. Your ambition is hiding under the rug, shaking, terrified to come back out.

Well girls, not all is lost. Or else I wouldn’t be here writing this. I have a few things that I’ve been experimenting with since Corona times that are helping me more. But before I get started, I have a little story to tell you about aging that may change your mindset.

When my grandmother was nearly 90, she told me something that stayed with me for life.

She was in the hospital at that time and a young, handsome male nurse came in during my visit and when he did she smiled, sat up a little taller, and her eyes lit up.

OK she was GLOWING.

I giggled.

After he left the room, I said, “Grandma what was that all about?” and she said she couldn’t wait to see him again later for bath time.

I giggled more.

Then she said, “Sweetheart, I may be almost 90 but I’m still a 20-year-old girl and I feel trapped in this old lady costume. If I could unzip all this, and jump out, I would in a second. I’m still the same girl I was 70 years ago.”

THAT STUCK. I never looked at older people the same again because she was right - no matter how old you get, you’re still you. You still have parts of yourself that are very much alive - dreams, goals, desires. This is why a good pivot involves thinking about what matters to us now, today.

Ask yourself what matters most to you now.

In my younger years, my ambition was driven by how little value I thought others placed on me and I needed to use any and all external markers of success, like titles, income, or recognition, to show “them” I was worth taking a second look at.

Now in my middle years, I know what I’ve done - my successes are there - so I feel less ambitious because I’ve accomplished everything I set out to - and more - so in many ways I feel like whatever is next better fulfill me in a new way because I certainly don’t need to prove myself any longer.

Same with you - your values might shift toward fulfillment, work-life balance, personal growth, or contributing to others and not so much proving who you are.

Also, at this stage in life, you may need to reconnect with your values so you can better understand what drives you which will help you to make more intentional choices. What drives you currently will be a lot different than what drove you 10 years ago.

I’ve used a notebook for this purpose - to write down what drives me today and what matters most to me now.

The next thing worth considering: give success a little re-frame.

What does success looks like for you TODAY. You might have spent years working towards a specific set of goals, but now it's important to ask: What does success look like on my own terms?

This could involve redefining career goals, exploring new interests, or seeking more meaningful work. What do you want your next story to be like? How do you envision your next evolution?

In all of this, I’ve had to let go. Mostly, I needed to let go of old expectations.

It’s common to feel pressure to continue climbing or achieving as you get older, especially if you’ve been successful in the past like I have. But these are the middle years - the years to finally take off the pressure and let go of societal expectations (and the load of b*s around it!) and find a pace and direction that feels good for you. You don’t need to continue pushing, hustling or ticking boxes if it no longer feels authentic. You set the pace, you call the shots.

Photo by Kinga Howard on Unsplash

Another tip - never stop learning.

In my online courses, which center around entrepreneurial business and creativity, 40+ woman are enrolling more than ever before. I started teaching online 16 years ago and only recently did I see this big age shift. Just a few years ago, I had around half of my students between 25-37 and now, the age range is between 40-75!

I also had more students in the United States before Corona but today, less than 25%.

Why this huge shift?