I did a wonderful divorce design when 3 things came together at once, my son had officially moved on, I got a divorce and I downsized from a home I had been in for 16 years to a city apartment. I was shocked by the downsize and not owning a home the most (surprisingly) BUT I went back to my Pinterest boards, bought a white couch, a black leather Barcelona Chair, hung my art on the walls and didn't look back! It liberated me to design and decorate more freely with the house I just built!
Hello Monica, nice to read your words! Your spirit is so contagious, I just loved reading your approach and mindset. How did it feel going from a home to the city? Did you stay in the city?
I’m right there with you! Had to sell a beautiful home we had just remodeled and moved to a small older home with little natural light and almost no closet space. This summer, as my son is off to college, I accepted a new job out of state, bought a fantastic loft-style condo and an Eames chair, and have created a cozy but modern space for myself. I’ve never been happier.
Hello Nina! Thanks for the nice comment. I'm going to incorporate it into a chapter of my 5th book, which I'm currently working on with my agent in NY. :) I think loss, divorce, empty nest, etc. is a great topic for discussion in a design book and sadly you never find books covering this.
There are no new ideas, so true! But fresh perspectives to what has been done is what I like to dream up. I'd love to see a show on this topic and life transitions in generals - not just divorce but empty nest, widowed,, etc. and have the host be a hugely encouraging and vibrant character who is also warm and deeply intuitive and able to connect on the emotional issues since she's been through it herself - the divorce, the empty nest, widowed, one of those at least... Kind of a like a design Oprah or Sabrina Soto type - really able to talk to people and dig in to their story and then help them find their new life. Would be totally nice. I'm sure this stuff must exist in different countries, like North America, but here in Germany we have no access to American television - Magnolia is blocked here, HGTV North America is blocked, so forgive me if I'm not up on what's happening on American tv. :) OR another Orlando show - was it good?
Also just googled and saw his show ran only two seasons in 2019. That's a shame. Maybe the topic would have done better post corona? More people had marriage challenges and dealt with so much loss post 2019 I feel. Studies even prove that. I had friends break up after two decades of marriage because corona revealed so much about their actual relationship that they sort of blocked previously, filling their time with activities and things... Corona limited all that - we all sort of got into our "truth" during those years. Maybe Orlando can do a new book or show if that's his passion.
That's a shame though, because I'm sure he was an excellent host and really enjoyed doing it. I will see if somehow it's available on YouTube, I'd love to check it out. And I can relate to two seasons and boom - game over. My magazine got closed at the end of 2020, I was also a few years in, and I was devastated - it really set me back. Corona was hard for so many of us in so many ways...
Thank you Nina! I will build out this topic more in the days to come, stay tuned for part 2 and 3 of thoughts around how design can truly help you during the hardest times, even the big D.
Holly, this is a brilliant newsletter share and support through divorce in whatever form it comes along in is always welcome. Making a home space that supports us, wherever it ends up being, is critical to embracing our new life ahead! I went through a divorce with a young child 16 years ago in a small community and it was tough! Thank you for writing this and I look forward to Part 2.
YES - deep! Design cannot always be fluffy and chipper. We need to start using design to uncover who we are the path in which we need to walk. The way we live, the things we surround ourselves with, can act as a huge catalyst or a big weight holding us back.
100% into this acknowledgement and acceptance about what season we are in our lives and rearranging/re-aligning our homes accordingly to reflect that. thank YOU holly for this deep design dive :))
Wonderful, yes it's a great topic and I'm married for years but have so many friends who have been through the fire. Your showing home tours I see, that's great! I won't be doing that and my series is only 3 posts and I'm done. As a designer, I've helped a lot of women post divorce to spruce up their space and some, to even overhaul completely, so my series will discuss the more nitty gritty around getting past those initial hard times and use design (and the distraction but also the power) that comes with it, to feel better. :)
You're right, there definitely is a market for it!
My only concern is that one person would need to have two very different skill sets.
To be an effective "divorce designer" you would have to be good at interior design AND counselling.
I imagine a situation where an excellent designer comes in, starts moving items around, and the client has a strong emotional reaction because some piece brings up an old memory.
How would the designer deal with that reaction if she has no training as a counsellor?
On the other hand, there might be an effective counsellor who can guide a divorced person through a rough emotional period, but that counsellor has no talent as an interior designer.
Do you think it would be easier to teach interior designers counselling skills or teach counsellors interior design skills?
I think most designers already have good people skills and are partial therapists already, so I don't see helping people through grief stages in their life (death, divorce, etc.) as anything where they'd need special education.
My home now is completely mine now and it’s fantastic - it’s like a bachelorettes home and I’ve created and did it all including the yard. I love this concept and think it’s valid demographic to speak to - there is something to figuring shit out on your own that makes you feel pretty damn self sufficient and powerful!
I did a wonderful divorce design when 3 things came together at once, my son had officially moved on, I got a divorce and I downsized from a home I had been in for 16 years to a city apartment. I was shocked by the downsize and not owning a home the most (surprisingly) BUT I went back to my Pinterest boards, bought a white couch, a black leather Barcelona Chair, hung my art on the walls and didn't look back! It liberated me to design and decorate more freely with the house I just built!
Hello Monica, nice to read your words! Your spirit is so contagious, I just loved reading your approach and mindset. How did it feel going from a home to the city? Did you stay in the city?
I’m right there with you! Had to sell a beautiful home we had just remodeled and moved to a small older home with little natural light and almost no closet space. This summer, as my son is off to college, I accepted a new job out of state, bought a fantastic loft-style condo and an Eames chair, and have created a cozy but modern space for myself. I’ve never been happier.
Divorce by Design...Interesting take / topic... you should submit your article series to a magazine!
Hello Nina! Thanks for the nice comment. I'm going to incorporate it into a chapter of my 5th book, which I'm currently working on with my agent in NY. :) I think loss, divorce, empty nest, etc. is a great topic for discussion in a design book and sadly you never find books covering this.
Awesome!!! Great add-on to your 5th book!!! Environment/ living space helps one move forward during a loss.
Yes absolutely - environment is everything!
Orlando Soria wrote a book about this (Get It Together) and did a TV show about it (Unspouse My House). So not a new idea.
There are no new ideas, so true! But fresh perspectives to what has been done is what I like to dream up. I'd love to see a show on this topic and life transitions in generals - not just divorce but empty nest, widowed,, etc. and have the host be a hugely encouraging and vibrant character who is also warm and deeply intuitive and able to connect on the emotional issues since she's been through it herself - the divorce, the empty nest, widowed, one of those at least... Kind of a like a design Oprah or Sabrina Soto type - really able to talk to people and dig in to their story and then help them find their new life. Would be totally nice. I'm sure this stuff must exist in different countries, like North America, but here in Germany we have no access to American television - Magnolia is blocked here, HGTV North America is blocked, so forgive me if I'm not up on what's happening on American tv. :) OR another Orlando show - was it good?
Also just googled and saw his show ran only two seasons in 2019. That's a shame. Maybe the topic would have done better post corona? More people had marriage challenges and dealt with so much loss post 2019 I feel. Studies even prove that. I had friends break up after two decades of marriage because corona revealed so much about their actual relationship that they sort of blocked previously, filling their time with activities and things... Corona limited all that - we all sort of got into our "truth" during those years. Maybe Orlando can do a new book or show if that's his passion.
I never heard of the show. I do agree, two seasons is not enough to make a dent. And Corona / Covid brought out so many challenges.
That's a shame though, because I'm sure he was an excellent host and really enjoyed doing it. I will see if somehow it's available on YouTube, I'd love to check it out. And I can relate to two seasons and boom - game over. My magazine got closed at the end of 2020, I was also a few years in, and I was devastated - it really set me back. Corona was hard for so many of us in so many ways...
I just found a little clip on YouTube about Unhouse your spouse. Orlando shared a little about the experience. I emailed you the link.
Thank you Nina! I will build out this topic more in the days to come, stay tuned for part 2 and 3 of thoughts around how design can truly help you during the hardest times, even the big D.
Erica…May not be a new idea but may not have gotten much attention. A new perspective will definitely bring life to the subject!
Thank you so much Elle!!!!
Holly, this is a brilliant newsletter share and support through divorce in whatever form it comes along in is always welcome. Making a home space that supports us, wherever it ends up being, is critical to embracing our new life ahead! I went through a divorce with a young child 16 years ago in a small community and it was tough! Thank you for writing this and I look forward to Part 2.
Thank you Coco and so happy to hear you are far beyond divorce and doing good. :)
death design. now divorce design. i LOVE where all of this is diving xx
YES - deep! Design cannot always be fluffy and chipper. We need to start using design to uncover who we are the path in which we need to walk. The way we live, the things we surround ourselves with, can act as a huge catalyst or a big weight holding us back.
100% into this acknowledgement and acceptance about what season we are in our lives and rearranging/re-aligning our homes accordingly to reflect that. thank YOU holly for this deep design dive :))
Thanks Dee - I'll be in touch behind the scenes to arrange the q+a :) I love the pics!!!
So happy you're in for the ride - I know you are deep too.
So glad someone else is onto this! I also have a Divorce Design series!
https://www.schmattamag.com/p/the-house-for-when-you-divorce-your
Wonderful, yes it's a great topic and I'm married for years but have so many friends who have been through the fire. Your showing home tours I see, that's great! I won't be doing that and my series is only 3 posts and I'm done. As a designer, I've helped a lot of women post divorce to spruce up their space and some, to even overhaul completely, so my series will discuss the more nitty gritty around getting past those initial hard times and use design (and the distraction but also the power) that comes with it, to feel better. :)
"Divorce Design" is an interesting idea.
You're right, there definitely is a market for it!
My only concern is that one person would need to have two very different skill sets.
To be an effective "divorce designer" you would have to be good at interior design AND counselling.
I imagine a situation where an excellent designer comes in, starts moving items around, and the client has a strong emotional reaction because some piece brings up an old memory.
How would the designer deal with that reaction if she has no training as a counsellor?
On the other hand, there might be an effective counsellor who can guide a divorced person through a rough emotional period, but that counsellor has no talent as an interior designer.
Do you think it would be easier to teach interior designers counselling skills or teach counsellors interior design skills?
Just curious.
I think most designers already have good people skills and are partial therapists already, so I don't see helping people through grief stages in their life (death, divorce, etc.) as anything where they'd need special education.
Sounds good. You would know a lot more about this than I would.
But you raised an excellent point so thank you!!!!
Such a great idea and so very much needed!
My home now is completely mine now and it’s fantastic - it’s like a bachelorettes home and I’ve created and did it all including the yard. I love this concept and think it’s valid demographic to speak to - there is something to figuring shit out on your own that makes you feel pretty damn self sufficient and powerful!