Divorce Design Part 1: What It Is & Why It's Needed

Let's talk about the big D

Why isn’t Divorce Design a bestseller? It’s not exactly a niche topic, yet it remains barely discussed. Countless people have gone through the end of live-in relationships (married or not), so a clear, straightforward title like this has the potential to make a serious, much-needed impact. It could bring the kind of empowering, high-five, fist-bump energy that people need to navigate such a challenging time. We often talk about “moving on” emotionally and “picking up the pieces” to “move forward,” but that advice is usually focused on mindset and inner healing—which is important, no doubt.

BUT

What if, interior designers and authors like myself, offered advice on literally moving on and picking up the pieces—or maybe picking up the new paint cans and spackle?

Maybe the best way to get over someone isn’t to get under someone else like Samantha Jones once said; it’s to get on a damn ladder, get your clothes splattered with paint, and actively reclaim your home, your space, and your life by rebuilding in a tangible, physical way.

Statistics speak loudly - Divorce happens to 60% of us YET when it comes to design mags, books, and streaming series about design, you rarely see fabulous newly single moms (or dads) giving us a home tour after they lost the big house or had to relocate to a new city. Even if they kept the same house, how do you reclaim the space? How do you move out, move on, or stay in the “family home” and give it that clean slate energy that you need to march forward?

"Divorced" is a checkbox on countless applications. While in some cases that information is legitimately necessary, other times it feels outdated or irrelevant. As traditional relationship structures evolve, defining people based on past marital status doesn’t always reflect who they are or what they need in the moment. But this isn’t just about categorizing divorced people or putting them into a box. It’s about being mindful of the realities others face and addressing a significant gap—a need—to support those going through divorce.

The focus should be on helping people not only navigate the emotional and legal aspects (therapists and lawyers handle this part) but also on how to reclaim and feel good in the space they live in, or will soon move into (designers and stylists can help here).

If I were writing Divorce Design, I’d go beyond just home design and explore how these resilient individuals redesigned their entire lives after divorce. I’d dive into their experiences, what they went through, and how design played a crucial role in helping them rebuild. Because if you’ve been through a divorce, you know what it’s like to feel the bottom drop out of your life. You understand the fear of going from being part of a couple to navigating life as a single person. You’ve felt the awkwardness of showing up alone at social events, hosting gatherings solo, and, of course, sleeping alone in an empty house after years of sharing it with a partner. You also know how disorienting it is to suddenly be doing all the little things alone that you once did together.

My friend went through a divorce last year and was at a complete loss. She didn’t know how to use a drill, hang curtain rods, or even choose a dishwasher. She wondered if she still needed two nightstands now that she’s single. Should she keep a big sofa when she rarely watches TV anymore? She was unsure whether she should rearrange the furniture or paint because she was too overwhelmed—barely managing her day job, let alone her home.

That’s where I came in. And I’ll tell you more about how I helped her tomorrow in Part 2 of this mini series.

While Divorce Design isn’t a book or a streaming series (yet), it’s a topic I wanted to tackle because I see it as an empowering way forward for anyone navigating a separation or divorce. Not only can it help you get through the rough patches, but it’s also a sneaky little depression zapper. It can give you hope, erase some of those painful memories, and give you a fresh new focus.

Whether you’re just considering divorce, knee-deep in it, or have recently emerged on the other side, let’s be real—divorce is no joke. Everyone’s experience is different, and it’s even more complex if you have kids or are part of a close-knit family or community.

I’m not here to sugarcoat things with some overly optimistic design advice, but I do think it’s important to call divorce out for what it is:

• IT’S HARD, but you have to navigate it in the healthiest way possible.

• IT’S NOT EASY TO MOVE ON, but that process needs to start sooner rather than later.

• THE MOMENT you’re officially single and alone at home, it’s time to reclaim that space as your own. Turn it into something marvelous, for yourself and your kids (if you have them)—because your home should reflect your new chapter, not your old one.

I’ve been thinking there’s a whole untapped career opportunity here for fun, motivational designers who specifically target (I hate this word, a gentler way to say it would be assist?) the newly divorced, making the whole transition feel a bit lighter. Imagine hiring a best friend-type stylist or designer who shows up at your house ready to help you exorcise the ex—the stuff, the memories, the vibe. Someone who’ll help you pick out paint colors, rearrange furniture, and go through every item in your home to identify any lingering “trigger objects” that need to be donated ASAP.

Or picture this: your stylish bestie-designer arrives at your new place while you’re sitting overwhelmed in a sea of unpacked boxes. She’s got upbeat energy, a killer playlist, and a matcha latte in hand. Together, you pick paint colors, figure out storage solutions, and she even shows you how to tackle tasks you’ve never had to do before—like fixing a leak or drilling curtain rods into the wall. Honestly, that would be unbelievably awesome.

Some of you may say that you’d just call your friend or mom. And you should because those are truly your soul people, they love you and want to help. But these days, mostly due to economic reasons, lots of us don’t live near family, and friends are mostly WhatsApp buddies you occasionally meet for coffee because everyone is so busy. And let’s be real: how many of your close friends are willing to pick sides and help you out when they’re still friends with your ex? Or if they are going through their own rough patch or simply overwhelmed by life - job, kids, etc. Plus, have you ever noticed how divorce is said to be contagious? You wouldn’t believe how many married women believe this. They are super concerned when you get divorced because they start to look at their own marriage and fear starts to set in. Some are secretly scared having you back in the singles market for reasons that I’ll spare you with in this essay. I digress…

Plus, we all know what happens when your true besties come over post divorce, right? It often turns into an ex-bashing fest where nothing gets done except wine chugging and venting—a lot. Or a divorce party occurs, complete with a cake. Sure it can help emotionally to feel love and support in this way, but it’s not going to help you get your home in order after the hangover wears off and you’re alone feeling all the feels the next morning.

That’s why I believe it’s better to bring in a home stylist or designer to take care of your interior world - someone from the outside who knows nothing about your life except the basics: you’re getting a divorce. You don’t feel obligated to them emotionally because, hey, you’re paying them. You don’t need to reveal anything person. Their job isn’t to get emotionally involved or bring cake and wine, but to help you reset and take control of your space for your well-being and future. To be fun on one side, but empowering and forward-thinking on the other. Practical support with a fresh perspective.

Since I recently helped some friends redesign their lives after divorce (from a living/space perspective), I’m going to detail how I did it in the next edition of this series, so stay tuned for part 2 and 3. I’ll also include a helpful list of quick ways you can reclaim your home and make it feel wonderful after a breakup or divorce, and I’ll share some personal thoughts on how I endured the divorce of my parents and what helped my mom and I the most once we were on the other side - and it has everything to do with Divorce Design.

See you tomorrow with part 2.

Love,

Holly

P.S. I’m keeping all of the Divorce Design posts in this 3 part series FREE to all subscribers because I want to support those of you in the thick of navigating this difficult time - I have your back. :)

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