Divorce Design Part 2: How to Approach Redecorating Your Home
When the war ends, it's time to rebuild. Here's how.
[Hello dear reader. Glad you’re here! If you haven’t read Part 1 yet of this 3 part series, I’ve linked it above so you can begin there. - Holly Becker]
Like many of you, I’ve faced divorce but maybe not in the way you’d expect - not as a married person, but as a child of parents who divorced when I was 17. When my parents decided to split, I suddenly felt alive, hopeful, and deeply relieved after watching them both suffer and struggle for as long as I could remember. And when my parents officially divorced, I felt like life was finally going to work out right for ALL OF US.
Little did I know.
I hadn’t considered the details around what divorce truly meant for adults financially. Shortly after the announcement, not-nice things happened which left my non-working mother broke and me as her sole provider for a year. We had to leave my family home in an affluent town (with our in-ground pool and pool house) for a 2-room apartment in a huge building in a scary town an hour away from my friends.
I remember we had so little money that we lived on the basic staples at first - whole wheat bread, eggs, peanut butter, noodles, tuna sandwiches and fruit. Instead of going to college at that time, I had to work 60 hours a week to support us, which meant taking two jobs and working 6 days a week and most evenings.
Having to support her, and myself, at 18 years old was a hard entry point to adult life. And being away from parents who bickered and hated each other to living with one parent who was deeply depressed, didn’t feel like much of a trade or level up for me, honestly.
Thankfully, her alimony kicked in after a year and we were able to move back to the Boston area where our friends lived, and her depression period finally lifted and she started to work - while I was able to get a more professional job in downtown Boston, enter college, and finally start my life. I felt like after a very dark year, we had made it.
Four years later, when I was about 22, she remarried a good man, which freed me up to finally live without guilt - I no longer needed to support her emotionally and financially - which was a huge weight off. I was climbing the corporate ladder, going to college, had tons of friends and a very big social life, and I finally felt like an adult as I moved into my first apartment alone - which was deeply liberating. The place was horribly unloved when I moved in, but I saw potential and so I sanded floors, laid new wooden floors in one room, resurfaced the walls, painted, added wallpaper in the kitchen, refurnished all of the kitchen cabinetry, added new hardware, and gave it a deep clean. I was house proud. :)
Going through a divorce as a child or as an adult, is like surviving a war, isn’t it? I’ll never forget that feeling of having the bottom completely fall out. It can leave even the strongest person utterly drained. Yet, once the dust settles and you’re ready, I think it’s time to redecorate and claim your space.
Redecorating can be a powerful form of healing.
I believe a new chapter in your life like divorce can be your big chance to reclaim your space, make it truly your own, and set the stage for a fresh, new life to play out.
Your home (in this moment) may feel loaded with memories, but you can re-frame it as simply a blank canvas in which you can paint a new life.
I’m not saying to totally erase the past—it’s simply about letting go of what hurts and imagine creating a space that reflects the new you or even the you that you wish to be.
I always advise my newly divorced clients to start by removing whatever holds negative energy or serves as a reminder of the relationship that’s ended - furniture, decor, or even the layout or room arrangement. Letting go allows you to breathe easier. Some of my clients turn the home office into the bedroom and the former bedroom into the home office, or move all the furniture around, buy a new mattress, or even paint pieces of furniture to make it feel different and more fresh.
This process can be emotional, yes, but think of it more in a positive way - as a cathartic release. You’re not just redecorating; you’re rebuilding your sense of self. Invite a friend over if you wish, play your favorite music, and transform your space.
Ask yourself: How do I want this new chapter of my life to feel?
Focus on creating a home that mirrors your vision. Keep what’s important - keep what matters - and let go of the rest.
My friend got divorced a few years ago and she did something quite radical - but it helped her enormously, so I want to share it. She let her husband keep their home, their car and everything in their home. She took only her personal belongings from her own childhood, her wardrobe and some things for her two children. She rented an apartment, leased a new car, and started shopping at websites like Wayfair for the necessary things she needed to live - a bed, a sofa, etc.
She rebuilt her new life slowly from literally nothing.
Her approach was radical, yes, but also inspirational - it took a lot of courage to walk away. She told me later that she did it to avoid more battles with her ex - she wanted to end the war, she wanted to walk into a new life without anything that would hold her to the old life.
She wanted to figuratively burn it all down and start again.
Not everyone can take her approach - it isn’t a common one, I know. You may have pieces that are meaningful to you, you may need to split belongings for financial reasons, etc. Yet it’s important to evaluate what truly serves you, what holds sentimental value to you personally, and then to consider the rest - maybe you can let it go and move on because items can make us nostalgic and we all know that looking back won’t help you to move ahead.
Also, de-cluttering and letting go of stuff not only gives you more physical space but also clears out mental clutter.
If you’re unsure about certain items, pack them away temporarily and revisit them later. As you begin to shape your new home, you’ll find that some things naturally feel out of place anyway, and that you don’t even WANT them in the room anymore - they feel dated or done.
The idea of redecorating an entire home can be overwhelming so you may opt to start small. Pick one room or even a single corner to focus on. A bedroom makeover or updating your living room can bring new energy into your space.
That said, don’t be afraid to think big. I advise my clients to go big - meaning - I don’t think taking one room at time over the course of a year, is that helpful. I prefer to get it all sorted in a month or less. Really! Maybe you can buy a bunch of boxes and pack your entire living room today, make the space totally empty, and then deep clean it, paint it a new color, and unpack the boxes and decide what goes back into the space and what doesn’t. Challenge yourself to also change the entire layout of the room - this lets in new energy. This is something you can do with a girlfriend or two in a few days.
One thing a lot of newly divorced friends tell me is that, after spending years compromising on style choices with their husband, now they can do whatever they wish - and they love it. Try experimenting with design ideas you’ve admired but never had the chance to explore. The beauty of this hard moment is that you have total creative freedom, so allow yourself to have fun with it and to let it distract you in a healthy way.
Redecorating can be more than an aesthetic transformation— it’s a form of therapy. As you rethink your space, consider designing areas of your home that promote healing and relaxation. Maybe it’s a yoga nook where you can spend time each day, a meditation corner for mindfulness, or a bathroom that feels like a spa retreat because you make it truly YOU.
Think about what activities bring you peace and joy, then design your home to support those moments. Adding soft textures, calming colors, and personal touches can make your home a safe haven where you can heal, recharge, and grow.
Some of the simplest and most effective ways to invite fresh energy into your home is by adding fresh flowers, plants, giving the space a deep clean, and by maximizing natural light. Plants and indoor trees (like a ficus fig) are known for their ability to boost mood and purify the air, and they can brighten any space. Whether it’s a few succulents on a shelf or a large leafy plant in a sunny corner, greenery adds a sense of renewal and growth.
Plants also give you something to take care of, to tend to, and this can feel deeply rewarding during a time of loss or sorrow. It can be encouraging to witness their growth, as it’s also a reminder of how you’re also going to grow with time and gentle care.
Give your home a deep clean, open the windows for some fresh air, and open up your space in general to let in as much natural light as possible. Remove the heavy curtains and opt for something lighter. Sunlight has a way of instantly making a home feel more alive, and it’s a great way to elevate your mood on those harder days.
Cook, bake, add scented oils or candles, and change the smell of your home - this is also a big enhancement to home life after your marriage ends. And don’t forget the power of music too. Create new playlists that empower and strengthen your soul and outlook. I love Spotify!
I want you to own your space now and make it truly yours so that you can heal and move on.
It’s about honoring your personal tastes, your new direction in life, and what you need to feel at peace. Maybe you haven’t lived alone in many years, perhaps you’ve never lived alone - this is a chance to revisit the years of your youth when you had tremendous freedom. You have it back but with all that wisdom and experience layered on top. Whether you prefer a minimalist aesthetic or want to go all out with bold patterns and textures, the key is to make choices that speak to you and that help you to see this as a growth stage, a new path.
You deserve a space that uplifts you, comforts you, and makes you excited to walk through the door every day. Remember: your home is your very own little sanctuary now, it should make you feel hopeful, not hopeless, and it should be a place where you feel nothing but peace, joy, safety, and endless possibility.
How did you redesign your home after divorce? What was your personal experience?
Love,
Holly
Know someone experiencing a break-up and they could use a boost? Share this post with them.
Great article and wonderful to hear it from a young adult's perspective. I left my home to my ex, and my son, age two, and I lived in several different apartments for 7 years until I could afford a home near my job. It took several years to purchase items for my house, all from tag sales or friends, but through decorating my own space, I got back to being the person I once was, before my marriage. My son is happily married now with one child and is successful in every way. It was a long road, filled with hazards, but we both made it.
I’m not divorcing, been there twice. My now spouse is a control freak, doesn’t like change. When we moved into our last house I told him to pick which rooms he wanted to claim as his, because I wanted an art studio and a bedroom! It worked beautifully. It makes such a difference to have your own space and surround yourself with the things that bring joy. Great article!