Hi Holly, thank you for your honesty! I am soooo with you: My mother died of a sudden stroke at the peak of my kids design/diy magazine kleinformat. I was not only knee deep in raising this mag enterprise, but also two little girls 4&6.
As a result of being totally lost I burried not only my mum but also this magazine and stumbled directly into a lot of bad desicions: moving into that inherited house - first without my hubby - he came over for weekends... and the. renovating this "burden" -> which led to a massive crisis in my marriage with lots of hurt and pain.
finally I started therapy - which I ended meanwhile successfully.
My daughters developing into puberty did not help to ease the situation and on top I lost my job as architect due economy crisis.
2025 is the first year I feel kind of stable.
In hindsight I think I avoided to feel the lonelyness (sooo with you Holly) which was always there as my parents really did not a great job to parent me - today I think they themself were raised in farming areas completely loveless and were very little during WWII - so they had not much to give and were lost in alcohol and drama.
Keeping my mums house was the last attempt of being a good daughter which finally has to be recognised by... someone...
But back in 2012 I was not able to sit down, pause, grief, and in the end hold the immense tension of not knowing what to do.
Simply I did EVERYTHING to NOT find a moment for me: I was sooooo afraid of what happens if I just feel this pain of being a neglected child which finally lost his mother and has a father who still turns away from me.
In my case I definitely can say time was on my side. But the last ten years I do not want to live through ... somewhere inbetween I managed to find myself as mother, partly with help of a great parenting course - where I kind of parented myself too. I turned to my inner kid and saw what she would have needed and tries to deliver this to my daughters. As I was the kid in my family drama I knew what I would have needed. (From my point of view it worked😂) But I do not have any guidance for being a wife and working woman. My mom was a small scale wine-farmer.
This still challenges me. The man I chose to be my partner and father to my kids totally makes sense with my background and habit of avoiding any hard and deep emotions. He is reliable - so I DID made an improvement to my fathers. But he emotionally so distant and hard to reach. More than 20 years ago a perfect match. The last 10 years a kind of personal hell. Anyways I learned to sit with me. to de-drama. to find stability in boring everday. to shift my need for exciting to sport and personal projects doing no harm to others. my daughters are doing well. the marriage is not bad... but if its good enough I do not doubt every single minute... and I know my weaknesses... not always in the moment, but whaaaay earlier then ten y ago... and I mother myself as I would like to be mothered as an adult woman...
yeah I think I really did a lot of development... thank you Holly for ignititate this not sooo little summary ... obviously I needed that ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I have a great story for our call next week…my client had only ever posted on tik toc a few times and she posted something last week that now has over 1 million views! It had all the elements we are learning about!
"I was mourning a lifetime of change, uncertainty, and things that never were." I have been thinking about this post for a couple of days. I moved around my entire life and still feel "change" will bring something I need which I know is not true, I am what I need! The climate in the US right now has triggered me into flight mode (instead of fight mode. It's unsettling for everyone for sure, but I also realize it's rattling things I have not quite come to terms with with so much "movement" during my childhood. Thank you for sharing!
I feel your heart here. I'm glad you found relief through counseling. Grief is so slippery.
It was Jesus who walked me through the valley and back up the mountain when I lost my mother and son in 2020. No one else could have possibly sustained me through the heavy load of loss and confusion.
Hi Holly, thank you for your honesty! I am soooo with you: My mother died of a sudden stroke at the peak of my kids design/diy magazine kleinformat. I was not only knee deep in raising this mag enterprise, but also two little girls 4&6.
As a result of being totally lost I burried not only my mum but also this magazine and stumbled directly into a lot of bad desicions: moving into that inherited house - first without my hubby - he came over for weekends... and the. renovating this "burden" -> which led to a massive crisis in my marriage with lots of hurt and pain.
finally I started therapy - which I ended meanwhile successfully.
My daughters developing into puberty did not help to ease the situation and on top I lost my job as architect due economy crisis.
2025 is the first year I feel kind of stable.
In hindsight I think I avoided to feel the lonelyness (sooo with you Holly) which was always there as my parents really did not a great job to parent me - today I think they themself were raised in farming areas completely loveless and were very little during WWII - so they had not much to give and were lost in alcohol and drama.
Keeping my mums house was the last attempt of being a good daughter which finally has to be recognised by... someone...
But back in 2012 I was not able to sit down, pause, grief, and in the end hold the immense tension of not knowing what to do.
Simply I did EVERYTHING to NOT find a moment for me: I was sooooo afraid of what happens if I just feel this pain of being a neglected child which finally lost his mother and has a father who still turns away from me.
In my case I definitely can say time was on my side. But the last ten years I do not want to live through ... somewhere inbetween I managed to find myself as mother, partly with help of a great parenting course - where I kind of parented myself too. I turned to my inner kid and saw what she would have needed and tries to deliver this to my daughters. As I was the kid in my family drama I knew what I would have needed. (From my point of view it worked😂) But I do not have any guidance for being a wife and working woman. My mom was a small scale wine-farmer.
This still challenges me. The man I chose to be my partner and father to my kids totally makes sense with my background and habit of avoiding any hard and deep emotions. He is reliable - so I DID made an improvement to my fathers. But he emotionally so distant and hard to reach. More than 20 years ago a perfect match. The last 10 years a kind of personal hell. Anyways I learned to sit with me. to de-drama. to find stability in boring everday. to shift my need for exciting to sport and personal projects doing no harm to others. my daughters are doing well. the marriage is not bad... but if its good enough I do not doubt every single minute... and I know my weaknesses... not always in the moment, but whaaaay earlier then ten y ago... and I mother myself as I would like to be mothered as an adult woman...
yeah I think I really did a lot of development... thank you Holly for ignititate this not sooo little summary ... obviously I needed that ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
We have to talk more on this topic, we have SO MUCH IN COMMON. Wow. I'll email you...
What a lovely gift to give the world. Thank you Holly!
Thank you Katy!
I have a great story for our call next week…my client had only ever posted on tik toc a few times and she posted something last week that now has over 1 million views! It had all the elements we are learning about!
I am so looking forward to the minicourse journey!
How wonderful to have you on board!!!!!
"I was mourning a lifetime of change, uncertainty, and things that never were." I have been thinking about this post for a couple of days. I moved around my entire life and still feel "change" will bring something I need which I know is not true, I am what I need! The climate in the US right now has triggered me into flight mode (instead of fight mode. It's unsettling for everyone for sure, but I also realize it's rattling things I have not quite come to terms with with so much "movement" during my childhood. Thank you for sharing!
I feel your heart here. I'm glad you found relief through counseling. Grief is so slippery.
It was Jesus who walked me through the valley and back up the mountain when I lost my mother and son in 2020. No one else could have possibly sustained me through the heavy load of loss and confusion.
Holly your vulnerability and kindness has helped so many people, myself included. Thank you for all you do for us!